Why Crocs are so ridiculous

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 20 seconds

Out at breakfast the other day, we sipped on our beverages as we kindly waited for our order.

I noticed a gentleman sitting at a table nearby wearing a long-sleeve button down shirt, no tie and khaki slacks. He was by himself but was in the midst of a lively business conversation. Not talking quietly, he used business jargon while speaking about such impressive matters involving The Presentation, Power Numbers and Selling Points. Not seeing his entire face, I assumed he was talking on one of those tiny phones people walk around with fastened to their ears that make you want to rip it off the side of their head and scream in their face.

But it was his choice of footwear that struck me as utterly ridiculous. I noticed that he chose to compliment his business casual attire with Crocs. Crocs on top of dark blue dress socks no less. Talking loudly into a cell phone about business nonsense was suddenly not one of his most unfavorable traits.

If you’re not familiar with Crocs, count yourself fortunate. Crocs are the brightly colored rubber, unisex gardening clogs that have somehow established themselves as hip and fashionable.

You might have noticed young children wearing them at the park, women wearing them to church or businessmen wearing them at your office complex.

I racked my brain trying to figure out how something so annoying and completely asinine could catch on. I have only one explanation.

Simply put, it was an experiment to see if it was possible to turn the lamest footwear imaginable into a wildly popular fad.

With the slogan being “Dumb on all levels,” they would base their concept on a shoe not known for its overall versatility or comfort, a shoe traditionally popular only among circles of middle-aged suburban housewives and other financially comfortable older women: gardening clogs.

“OK these are pretty stupid but I can see how someone might mistake these as so dumb they’re cool” one shoe developer remarked on an early prototype. “I think we can do worse.”

The team focused on color, starting with a shortlist of only the tackiest of shoe colors, hues designed to not match anything in your current wardrobe: Bright red, yellow, orange, baby blue.

As a final touch, they stripped away all signs of extravagance, focusing on a more simple, stripped down effect, made with nothing more than utilitarian plastic.

What you see (a cheap-looking, gaudy plastic gardening clog, not quite sandal, not quite shoe) is what you get. And they had the valor to price them anywhere from $30 to $50.

I have room in my heart for women and girls who choose Crocs. It doesn’t seem that crazy for them to wear these abominations out shopping, to the beach or to the park. Perfectly acceptable.

But for the guys who wear Crocs – especially with dark socks and business attire – I can’t force you to stop what you’re doing or intimidate you to change shoes. My only request is that you acknowledge that you wear women’s footwear. Just say it out loud to someone you don’t know, “I wear women’s footwear.”

And one more question for the guys: What would it take for you to not wear Crocs? Do they need to outfit each pair with wedge heels? Do they need to accessorize them with glitter or pink and yellow flowers? Or would you wear anything so long as somebody somewhere deemed it fashionable?


Questions for you, the reader:
1. Why do YOU think Crocs are so stupid?
2. What would it take for you to wear Crocs?
3. When was the last time you saw someone wearing Crocs that it made you want to pull all your hair out and stuff it down their throat until they had trouble taking oxygen?