A Face That Will Make Me Happy

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 56 seconds

I've been fairly disappointed with my facial expressions lately.

People have always compared my neutral, most natural look to that of a disgruntled, out-of-work mailman.

"What's wrong with you?" a co-worker inquires.

But in the end I can only give them the disappointing answer of "Unfortunately, this is how I look."

Over the years I have learned to deal with this.

Lately, however, the pressing concern regarding my facial expressions has been the face I use to friendly greet passing strangers in the hall at work or similar situations that call for mildly cordial behavior.

The last thing I want to do when acknowledging people is try to appear casually pleasant but come off as the type of guy who would “accidentally” rub into unsuspecting strangers on public transportation. That’s why when I pass someone, I feel like an intense, open-mouth toothy grin is not only too much work but risks being taken as creepy.

I don’t want to overdo it so I end up underdoing it. My unexpressive “friendly” face comes off as a smirk at best, a snub at worst. Ultimately I settle for this goofy, weird concoction where I pull the corners of my mouth apart, undoubtedly making me look like a meek toddler who has just pee-peed himself. Talk about creepy.

Erin suggested I just say “Hi” to everyone I pass and a smirky smile wouldn’t be the focal point. This sounded like a great idea. The first person I passed that day at work I addressed with a firm yet cheerful hello. I was mildly impressed with the results but promptly forgot to do it for the second person. My quick abandonment of the “Hello” plan didn’t occur to me until I was working on my “friendly” face in the mirror when I got home.

I’ve also had some concerns over my face and how well it indicates amusement during a humorous story someone might be telling me.

Let’s say Erin tells me a story that is funny enough to be mildly amusing but not funny enough to mandate a full smile or slight guffaw. I don’t have the appropriate face for this situation. Even though I might be amused and am trying to form a half-smile at least, it feels as though my face does not respond. And any level of fraudulence in a smile is not only strictly out of the question, most of the time it is physiologically impossible.

I thought about setting up a system with Erin where I would verbally disclose my level of amusement on a scale of one to 10. In the middle of her story I would respond by nodding my head, saying “6, 6” or “uh-huh, 7.5.”

Maybe the answer lies in just making whatever face feels natural to me in any given situation. If the person on the receiving end of my expression doesn’t like it, too bad.

But for now, I’ll be spending some more time in the mirror, in search of a face that will make us all happy.