I put the gal in egalitarian

The way a job gets done around our house is usually decided by one thing: Whatever needed to get done the longest ago is what gets done first. But not always.

How we divide these tasks is a mystery to me. I might do laundry and fix breakfast one day and Erin might mow the lawn or wash the car the next. And then the next time those duties come up, we switch. Basically, carry your weight or there will be trouble. Luckily there’s never been too much trouble.

Whether a job is traditionally done by a man or a woman has never factored in. The only job Erin won’t do, for some reason, is order pizza over the phone.

What started as a straight egalitarian approach to marriage has evolved. One moment I was barbecuing – the only cooking deemed acceptable by the manliest of men – the next I am looking up recipes for stuffed flounder. One moment Erin is painting the bathroom, the next she is snaking a clogged bathtub drain.

This philosophy of ours reached a level of absurdity over the weekend. Not thinking anything out of the ordinary was taking place, Erin and I went about separate activities. But then it suddenly donned on me: I was in the kitchen finely chopping an onion for a homemade tartar sauce while Erin was busy working with plumbing fixtures and hanging cement board in a shower renovation project she had embarked upon.

For a moment I had to set the mincing knife aside, take off my apron, sit down and think. OK I wasn't really wearing an apron, but I tried to understand how I was in the kitchen preparing sauces and batters while my wife swung a hammer in a gutted bathroom.

How did it get to this point? We had somehow gone as far as embracing a complete male/female role reversal. Being married for 8 years, it's not something that has happened over night. But it got a major boost this summer, when we moved to Connecticut and bought a house.

Generally our house is in great condition for being built in 1927. It's not a fixer-upper, as some in the renovation community might say, but has a few areas here and there that could be improved upon if a person either had the money to pay to have it done or had the desire to do it themselves.

Erin falls into the latter category. Always one with a hankering for DIY, this was her chance to take on some projects. Her first big project was the guest bathroom. This involved in part, ripping out the old sink, counter and shower and then rebuilding everything from scratch, newer, bigger, better. I pledged my support from the start, embracing her new hobby.

But I was clear on one thing: If she was going to become a home improver, it was her deal, not mine. If she wanted to spend her weekends ripping up tile, grouting, painting, soldering and making countless trips to Lowe's, then she was certainly entitled. But just because it's normally men who improve homes, I shouldn't be forced to contribute. Sure I would jump in for the heavy lifting or be around for the occasional task that required two people. She is fine with this.

My shunning of home improvement came down to one issue: I don't enjoy it. I would much rather spend my free time hiking, reading, watching movies or writing. Being roped into episodes of "Flip That House" before embarking on a grueling plumbing project sounds like the kind of activity I would take up if I were sent to prison. I shutter just hearing Erin use DIY slang like "rip" for cutting wood with a power saw, or "demo" instead of the cumbersome "demolition" or "hit" to describe anything that can be done quickly (you can hit a wall with paint, a board with screws or a tub with caulk, among other things.)

While this provides reason for Erin's non-traditional behavior, when it comes to my actions I can only offer the excuse that it's not unheard of for men to be into serious cooking. I mean, look at all those male celebrity chefs (OK, this is not good for my case as a Google search for "Flamboyant chef" returned 397,000 hits).

Looking ahead, I see our non-traditional roles become more non-traditional. Because if Erin insists on rewiring outlets, unclogging drains and installing new sinks, the least I can do is serve her cold lemonade and whip up a decent meal for when she takes a break. And once she is done with her bathroom renovation, it will be my job to clean the new shower, mop the new floor and every once in a while throw down some Comet on the new sink