At first sight, the photo could make the churchiest of church-goers curse in freakish wonder.
A dead pig weighing 1,050-something pounds and measuring 9 feet 4 inches.
Pigs just aren’t supposed to be that big, that monstrous.
About four times larger than the average feral hog, the pig would weigh more than a good-sized cow and dwarf the size of your average bull moose.
Once you rid the massive pig’s image from haunting your sleep, the most logical joke to make from the whole thing is “That’s a lot of bacon.”
Funny because it’s true. That is a lot of bacon. Roughly 22,727 slices of bacon.
But in all seriousness, the father of the 11-year-old who shot the pig confirmed that the bulk of the pig will be used to make sausage – 500 to 700 pounds of sausage, which converts into about 9,390 breakfast links (someone needs to put this guy and his family on heart attack watch ASAP.)
However, I think I’d have a hard time eating sausage that came from this rhinoceros of a pig.
I’d be afraid that the pig’s stuff would somehow get inside me and permeate my glands and nodes. I’d wake up the next morning with shiny gray skin, hands, feet and ears in freakish proportions, my fingers beginning to fuse and harden as my voice gets crazy deep and I sprout dark, thick hair everywhere.
The more sausage I eat, the more I look like a freakishly large pig.
Oh wait . . .
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