Sunday was the first time I had heard of Rams' safety OJ Atogwe. Upon hearing his name pronounced (OH-jay Uh-TOG-way), it occurred to me that his name is Pig Latin for Joe Watog. This got me thinking of the possibilities of piecing together an All-Pig Latin team. With a first and last name that translates directly, OJ Atogwe would be a first-teamer, no doubt. People with last names only -- John Elway comes to mind -- would be second-teamers.
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An advertisement for the Schick Quattro razor raises the question again, "How many blades will finally be enough on a razor?"
To Schick, the answer is a paltry four. But to Gillette, makers of the Fusion shaving system, the answer is a resounding five, as they own current bragging rights in this game to see who can put the most unnecessary blades on a razor.
The sad thing is that there are very talented scientists, as we speak, trying to figure out how to make it seem like you need six blades on a disposable razor for the closest shave possible. But how close can a shave possibly get? What is the ultimate goal of all these additional blades on the razor? That your shave is so close that you'll never have to shave again? That your whiskers fret at the sight of so many blades, rescind back into your face and apologize profusely?
(In related news, Burger Kings rolls out advertising for its Triple Whopper. How many beef patties will it take before even the biggest slob finally says "OK stop stacking patties on my hamburger.")
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A beer ad touts that Miller Lite has half the carbs of Bud Light. Besides the concern over carbs being so 2003, if you are the type to obsess over carbs, perhaps beer shouldn't be your drink of choice.
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When people use the word workaholic, obviously they're using a derivative of the word alcoholic. Instead of being addicted to alcohol, they're addicted to work. Fair enough, but shouldn't it be called a workic? Even more annoying is the term chocoholic.
The only way these hybrid words would make sense is if you were addicted to drinking alcohol in the workplace or if you had a chemical dependency on alcoholic chocolate.
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Samsung unveils multiple versions of an advertisement for its flashy high definition TV, each version featuring a former-white-quarterback-turned-NFL-analyst. So far Steve Young, Troy Aikman and Dan Marino have participated. I can envision them getting the much older former-white-quarterbacks-turned-NFL-analysts Joe Theismann, Phil Simms and Terry Bradshaw to pitch for their standard, non-state of the art TVs.
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Speaking of white quarterbacks doing commercials, I saw Peyton Manning appear in five different ads (two for Gatorade, one for NFL apparel, one for Sprint and one for DirecTV).
What makes Peyton Manning the hottest NFL pitch man of the moment? To start he's a well-spoken, likable, goofy, nerdy white guy willing to poke fun at himself. Pretty much non-threatening and wholesome on anyone's scale. He's also the NFL's best quarterback, which doesn't hurt.
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