Human-Sized Bunnies and Potentially-Evil Clowns

Estimated reading time: 57 seconds

Saturday's front page of the Hartford Courant featured unrelated photos of two entities in which I find unequivocally frightening: A human-sized Easter Bunny and a clown.

The bunny was holding a screaming baby, a baby whose screaming is for the first time whole-heartedly justified. If I were being cradled and potentially strangled dead by a grinning, man-sized rabbit, I would too scream with the fear of God.

If I saw that bunny anywhere outside, say, a mall or a fair or a parade, I would respond in one of two ways. Either I would retreat as fast as my aerobic condition permitted, or I would savagely beat it to death, depending on my access to an object that would inflict an adequate amount of blunt force trauma, a tire iron perhaps.

This clown - oddly clutching a stuffed cat - is a somewhat less threatening figure although highly unnecessary and potentially evil and dangerous. Clowns I have learned to coexist with just as long as they don't make any sudden moves or aggressive gestures in my presence or direction. (On the topic, I'm still unsure what I think about those "street performers" who stand still until you put money in their cup before doing some sort of robotic movement or some otherwise non-human action. Double-unsure if all robotic movement corresponds with a hidden whistling sound coming from their mouth).

I was trying to think of what else that could have been pictured on the page more frightening than the giant bunny or the clown. I finally settled on Hobo Dentist.